A Bored Shinigami is a Dangerous Shinigami
by Anna Yukihira
Summary: The more responsible shinigami have taken it onto themselves the duty of protecting innocent souls from the chaotic minds of their immature members. How do they do that? By making a list of rules, of course, to prevent all the idiotic things that have happened so far from reoccurring!
1. Chapter 1

This originally started when I posted a couple of reviews (they were under the name Anna Yuki, from before I joined the site) for prank ideas, but I think that story got discontinued or something, so after reading Supplemental Rules and Regulations, I decided to make my own. Now, I know list fics are banned, but apparently SRR is okay, and after mulling it over I've decided it's because it isn't just a list, there's background and explanations. As such, the format is going to be rather similar. I know I said I'd never do a multi-chapter, but this is going to be fairly disjointed, so it ought to be alright. Oh, and any reviews floating around under Anna Yuki with the name in black, not blue, are probably me. And if people reading this could suggest better titles, that would be great. I'm not the best in the naming department. Or humor actually, for that matter.

—_Anna _^.^

* * *

_The list was started by a frustrated Toshiro Hitsugaya, who was fed up with the stupid antics of his fellow shinigami. After asking Yamamoto for permission and long hours spent recalling ridiculous incidents of the past, copies of the first set of rules were posted at each division's barracks for all to see upon entering._

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1. Vice-Captain Kusajishi is not to hear songs from the human world. Ever.

_In an uncharacteristic fit of temper, Byakuya Kuchiki nearly murdered Ikkaku when he found out he was the one who taught Yachiru "The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves". Unohana refused to treat his wounds._

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2. Vice-Captain Kusajishi, Vice-Captain Matsumoto, and Inoue Orihime are not to be allowed within fifty feet of a kitchen.

_Yachiru and sugar were never a good mix. As for the other two, well, suffice to say that their culinary delights were fed to extremely uncooperative prisoners. The lethal-cooking duo was unstoppable when their dubious talent of making anything inedible was combined._

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3. You are not to drink while on duty unless you are willing to risk frostbite and/or the wrath of Vice-Captain Ise. That is, unless you're in the Third Division and highly emo.

_Kyoraku actually went sober for two weeks after seeing Nanao take off her glasses. It was a very strange and completely terrifying period of time that was almost surreal in nature. In the end, she relented and let him drink (his alcohol intake was strictly monitored, mind you) to spare their sanity._

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4. Vice-Captain Hisagi is not to be encouraged in his butchering of the instrument known as a guitar, no matter how much it'll aid you when applying for disability benefits.

_Apparently, Renji was saving up for a new pair of sunglasses and decided to sacrifice his hearing, plus that of everyone around him. Needless to say, his captain was not pleased._

_._

5. No one is to believe in the rumors of a ghost in the Ninth Division that shrieks in the night. For an explanation, please refer to the above rule.

_Hanataro Yamada was passing by the Ninth Division barracks sometime past one in the morning when he heard what he later described as "an unearthly wail". He fled to Unohana as fast as his legs could carry him and collapsed in front of her, babbling incoherently._

_._

6. Nicknames. Just no.

_The last person to call Hitsugaya "Shiro-chan" experienced a sudden, premature career change. I'm sure he enjoys being an icicle in the Antarctic, though._

_._

7. The Kurosaki Ichigo fanclub is to be disbanded immediately, and every member sent to the Fourth Division for a psychiatric evaluation.

_Hitsugaya couldn't help but to be creeped out when he found out they were planning on reenacting most of his battles with a few . . . modifications. All of which had rather . . . disturbing undertones. Let's just say the general effect given was that Ichigo was bisexual._

_._

8. Mentioning the name Aizen Sosuke around current and former members of the Fifth Division is strictly forbidden.

_It took a full forty-eight hours to wake Momo up from her state of fangirl bliss._

_._

9. You are not allowed to stick your zanpakuto in your chest while on duty. If you have to try to commit suicide, do it on your own time and outside the Seireitei, dammit!

_Kira had taken Gin's betrayal rather . . . harshly._

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10. Shaving your head, using insane amounts of hair gel, or dying it bright orange will not increase your pain tolerance, for the Soul King's sake!

_A rookie in the Eleventh Division somehow got it into his mind that imitating Ikkaku, Kenpachi, or Ichigo's hair style would give him their insane pain threshold. He soon found out otherwise at the hands of the trigger-happy baldy._

_._

11. You cannot get high off the scent of sakura petals.

_This was the explanation of Harunobu Ogido after he called Iemura and started a conversation that resulted in the latter bursting into tears. He claimed he was standing within the vicinity of Kyoraku at the time._

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12. Closing your eyes, clasping your hands together, and praying is not an acceptable method of combat.

_Ichigo jokingly demonstrated Keigo's highly effective offensive tactics to the Eleventh Division. Three days later, 90% percent of them were dead._

_Of course, Kenpachi got it into his head that this was a clever scheme concocted by the carrot top to wipe out his division. Ichigo was forced to spend the next month in hiding._

_._

13. If you wish to celebrate the festival known as "Christmas" by performing the tradition generally called "caroling", then at least make sure you know the words. Adlibbing is not advisable, especially if the new lyrics are not suitable for children.

_Rangiku got drunk off eggnog and went around singing songs such as Jingle Bells and Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Unfortunately for all those who were still up, she ended up improvising some new lines that weren't exactly rated G. It was enough to make them regret stopping Hisagi's nightly recitals and preserving their hearing. Pass the brain bleach, please!_

* * *

By the way, the original reviews were posted to InkySpectacles's story _Revenge_ and went as follows:

2/22 c4 Anna Yuki

Have Shiro-chan forge letters in Rangiku's handwriting asking various men of the Seireitei, including Hisagi, Renji, and Kira, out on dates, then send Hiyori to meet the hapless idiots by typing up a letter purporting to be from a "secret admirer" and giving her the same location and time?

2/22 c4 Anna Yuki

Record Yachiru singing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" and play it on an endless loop throughout the entire Seireitei?


	2. Chapter 2

Alright, time for the next round!

PS: I don't want suggestions. I want each of these rules to be my own creation.

* * *

_At the next captain's meeting, Byakuya asked Hitsugaya whether or not he'd be willing to let the Sixth Division captain update his list. Though surprised, Hitsugaya agreed, and the next edition of the rules was posted the following day, written in the elegant handwriting of the Kuchiki head and copied laboriously by Renji as punishment for his latest antics. _

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14. Vice-Captain Hinamori is not to be set up on dates for the sole purpose of angering Captain Hitsugaya, no matter how amusing the look on his face is.

_What's even worse was that her blind date was a nice young man with brown hair and glasses who enjoyed literature. Renji nearly died for that one. As it was, he didn't make it out of the Fourth Division for almost a year._

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15. If you are assigned a mission in the world of the living, you are to actually USE your predetermined cover story any time it is necessary.

Correction to Rule 15: If you are assigned a mission in the world of the living, you are to actually use the predetermined cover story GIVEN TO YOU BY YOUR SUPERIORS every time it is relevant.

_Somehow, Rangiku Matsumoto was mistaken for a prostitute after she improvised an explanation for her lack of parents (having forgotten the real one). Then Yumichika decided to have some fun by at various times claiming to be a model, actor, and fashion critic according to a list he had previously drawn up, so it only confused people further when he grudgingly gave his real cover story after a Hollow attack. He ended up briefly institutionalized for pathological lying. _

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17. Vice-Captain Kira is not to go to the place called Japan, nor is he to be introduced to the style of music known as "enka" by anyone who goes to the world of the living.

_Surprisingly enough, Renji was the one that tackled Nemu, who was going to bring back a CD so Mayuri could experiment with its effects on the Third Division vice-captain. He was reported to have yelled:_

_"Are you insane?! We have a hard enough time talking him out of his suicidal urges to begin with!"_

_Momo lent him her binding kido skills in his endeavor. It seemed that she was sick of it too. _

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17. Fifth-Seat Ayasegawa is not to be introduced to the human process known as "plastic surgery".

_After Yumichika started attending fashion shows and reading Japanese magazines, Ikkaku nearly had a nervous breakdown. Byakuya decided to get in a preemptive strike. They were low enough on shinigami with bankai as it was. _

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18. Any jobs taken on during a stay at the world of the living must be approved by your superiors.

_Yumichika and Ikkaku managed to create a cult. It was sort of by accident, half intentionally, and focused on developing aesthetic tastes as well as combat abilities. The results were a bunch of macho men bulging with muscles who went preening about, applying makeup at regular intervals. Many children were scarred for life. Zennosuke Kurumadani is currently in therapy._

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19. Neither Head-Captain Yamamoto nor Captain Ukitake, despite his penchant for handing out presents to children, was ever known as Saint Nicholas in the world of the living. Stop asking.

_Byakuya was a little reluctant to put this one up. After all, this mistaken belief was one of the few ways to control Yachiru. But Yamamoto was getting cranky from being pestered so often, and they needed the Seireitei intact, not in ashes._

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20. Contrary to popular belief, all illnesses are not curable through large amounts of sugar.

_After Yachiru finally found out he was sick, she selflessly attempted to feed Ukitake the entire contents of her secret candy stash. He ended up in the Forth Division and had to get his stomach pumped. Yachiru attributed this to needing more frequent doses._


	3. Chapter 3

God, sorry about the typo, that was really embarrassing. That's what you get when you try to fix something on your mobile phone.

* * *

Unfortunately, as soon as one issue was resolved, a new one developed_, reflected poor Hitsugaya as he unhappily finished the latest edition of the list. It was barely three hours after Byakuya had posted the second batch of rules, and already he had been informed of, remembered, or seen first-hand enough problems to write a third._

_Hitsugaya casted the kido that would make 32 invisible to Rangiku and went to post the new additions to the list_.

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21. Singing creepy lullabies while staring blankly at Pluses is not a valid method of performing konso.

_. . . Perhaps you aren't ready for the story behind this._

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22. No member of the Eleventh Division is allowed to use any object involving multiple parts or electricity, no matter how simple they seem, unless they have been trained by a Seireitei-approved instructor and demonstrated prowess in a test of skill that was fairly administrated by a Seireitei-approved agent.

_This rule came about after one member managed to kill himself in an unfortunate incident involving a mechanical pencil. All of them went through training at their own leisurely pace—after all, it wasn't like any of them ever did _paperwork.

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23. The drawing competitions between Captain Kuchiki and Kuchiki Rukia are to cease immediately.

_Byakuya was known to have released Senbonzakura on people who couldn't identify the Seaweed Ambassador. Rukia was known to have frozen people who insulted her Chappies. An annoyed Hitsugaya was usually recruited to set the idiots free, as Yamamoto was afraid he'd incinerate them by accident, and Momo's mental state was too precarious for such a delicate task. _

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24. Shinigami are prohibited from doing anything with their opponents' blood.

_Someone gave Kenpachi a bunch of posters of old westerns for his birthday, complete with many stereotypical Native Americans. Let's just say he got the wrong idea about the face paint . . ._

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25. Contrary to popular belief, the hair of Vice-Captain Kusajishi is not made of cotton candy. Please refrain from attempting to eat it.

_A particularly hungry member of the Eleventh Division got desperate when he spotted the bright pink bob. Need I say anything more?_

_Actually, yes, I do. Kenpachi was with her. _

.

26. There is a standard issue shinigami uniform, people, now wear it, goddammit, and quit making alterations!

_Among the top offenders were Rangiku Matsumoto, Shunsui Kyoraku, and Yumichika Ayasegawa, hence the unusually irritated tone of this rule. _

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27. You will not die if you do not moisturize daily.

_This came about after Rangiku and Yumichika tried to get reimbursed for the makeup they bought in Karakura Town, claiming it was a necessary expense. _

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28. You will not die if your girls do not get air. You might, however, catch a cold—particularly if your division is below 0° C.

_Rangiku chanced upon Hitsugaya just after he finished writing the 26th rule. This was her attempt to get out of it. _

_When the rules were posted, she was heard muttering, absolutely horrified, about how ugly she would look with her nose red and sniffly._

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29. Despite his claims, Captain Kyoraku is not the god of anything, including fertility, passion, and sakura.

_Kyoraku read a book of Greek myths and concluded, "The gods got all the ladies." Thus began his ascension to divinity._

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30. "I think, therefore I am" does not hold true unless you have a zanpakuto with this effect.

_In retrospect, Yamamoto realized that Aizen declaring himself to be the Head-Captain might not have been a joke after all. _

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31. No one is to quote anything to the Eleventh Division. If they don't understand what you mean, they will not hesitate to chase you down and beat an explanation out of you.

_As Hanataro wailed, "Oh, lamentable day!"_

_._

32. Vice-Captain Matsumoto is never to learn of the existence of Amazon or any site that offers similar services.

_"I can already imagine the shopping spree she'd go on if she ever found out," moaned Hitsugaya. "And somehow, that slacker would manage to charge it all to the Tenth Division. We'd go bankrupt."_

.

33. Just because they will die soon anyways does not mean you can avoid learning the names of those belonging to the Eleventh Division.

_Kenpachi's work ethic was abysmal in anything that wasn't related to fighting. His laziness resulted in all of his non-seated officers wearing badges marked Minion 1, Minion 2, etc. When one died, his badge was given to the next new recruit._

* * *

So, does anyone recognize the quote? Please don't google it; I want to see if anyone knows it off the top of their head. I was going to offer a prize, but this is way too easy to cheat at without me finding out.


	4. Chapter 4

Aw, no one even tried to guess at the quote. Well, I've waited long enough, so I might as well spill. It's from _Romeo and Juliet_, right after Juliet's "dead" body has been found. While Juliet's mother is going on about how she was her only child, the joy of her life, etc, the Nurse is wailing "Oh, lamentable day!" It was probably originally written as "O, lamentable day!" but screw it, people had terrible spelling back then anyways.

* * *

Captain Hitsugaya was onto something,_ thought Yamamoto as he wrote the fourth segment of the list. The sanity of the average shinigami tended to fluctuate on a daily basis, but you could always count on the ones retaining their minds to laugh at the stupid antics of their comrades. Either that, or try to kill them if they had suffered from the results. Ikkaku went into hiding for a week after word got out that he was the one who inspired the first rule. Regardless, the number of strange incidents had been dropping dramatically._

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34. Vice-Captain Hisagi is to be kept away from the internet, particularly the website known as "Youtube".

_"Imagine how much trouble we would get into if someone listened to his guitar-playing," Yamamoto mumbled. "Is it possible to get sued here?"_

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35. Any and all rumors involving Captain Hitsugaya in a romantic relationship are to be considered false unless he himself confirms it to be true in a clear manner that leaves no room for interpretation.

_The child prodigy nearly had a mental breakdown when his vice-captain informed him about some of the stories circulating the Seireitei._

_" . . . Pedophiles," was the only thing the traumatized captain would say for the next week._

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36. Captain Komamura is not a superhero who fights as a warrior of justice during his spare time. Please refrain from referring to him as such.

_That was one of the many explanations people came up with for his mask. The KIS (Komamura Investigation Squad) was pretty disappointed when the truth was revealed, but that didn't stop them from continuing their work. They just tweaked their theories a little. _

_Tosen actually delayed the betrayal a bit just so that he could see whether or not the rumors were true. Legend had it that he almost changed sides because of the influence of the KIS._

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37. Vice-Captain Kusajishi is never to join forces with the Twelfth Division.

_Yachiru managed to single-handedly blow up an army of Hollows with the materials she stole from Mayuri. The incident both infuriated and impressed the mad scientist, and Yamamoto was starting to fear for mankind. _

_The scary thing was that she was only trying to make toast._

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38. Do not interrupt Captain Unohana's ikebana classes unless there is a medical emergency or you wish to join.

_The thing about her being a doctor was that it meant she knew exactly how to use those sharp, sharp scalpels in the Fourth Division . . . _

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39. Do not make a derogatory remark about Aizen Sosuke within earshot of any members of the Fifth Division.

_It wasn't the actual act that caused so much trouble. It was the results of it. You see, if someone insulted Aizen around members of the Fifth, word would get to Momo and she would attack the foolish shinigami. Of course, she would collapse in a hysterical mess mid-strike, which led to the real problem. Two words: Toshiro Hitsugaya._

_The last time, Yamamoto himself was forced to defrost the Seireitei._

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40. Stocking the Tenth Division refrigerator with milk is not amusing and should not be done by any shinigami without a wish for frostbite and/or death.

_"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Renji squealed desperately as he was chased by a murderous Hitsugaya._

_"Funny," the child prodigy snarled. "Seeing as how you grew up in Inuzuri, I would've thought that you had some semblance of self-preservation instincts!"_

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41. Captain Zaraki is not a "kitty-cat". Just because Vice-Captain Kusajishi is allowed to compare him to one does not mean you can too.

_Someone decided to comment on all the bells he wore and how he always listened to Yachiru's instructions when going Hollow hunting . . . _

_On the bright side, the Eleventh Division had a nice new training dummy for a week._

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42. Just because we know doesn't mean we have to mention it.

_This rule encompassed everything from Ikkaku having a bankai to what activities Suì-Fēng did in the privacy of her house (here's a hint: it involved an altar and a stuffed black cat). Both shinigami would start giving off killer intent whenever someone brought it up. _

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43. Members of the Eleventh are forbidden to sing songs from the world of the living creation known as "musicals". Fifth-Seat Ayasegawa is an exception to this rule.

_Hanataro saw a group of them singing drunkenly while parading through the Seireitei. Among their repertoire was "Seasons of Love", "I Feel Pretty", and "I Don't Know How to Love Him". Unfortunately, Yumichika wasn't with them. Perhaps he could've diluted the horror factor a bit. _

_Hanataro wasn't the only soul who needed therapy after that. _

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44. Captain Hitsugaya is not a doll, nor may you use him as such. Stop asking.

_Rangiku really, really wanted to play dress up with him. But not with just any clothes. Rangiku wanted to use girl clothes. She thought he would look adorable._

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45. The policy "smile and nod" does not apply to Captain Kurotsuchi or Vice-Captain Kira.

_Mayuri usually ended up thinking you were giving him permission for some experiment or other, and Kira would see it as encouraging his depressive emo rants. _

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46. Sneaking into hell and bringing up spirits known for their psychosis and/or cruelty (such as notorious murderers) is forbidden, no matter the occasion.

_Renji thought it'd be a good joke to play on the spiritually aware and took them to a haunted house. Apparently he wanted to hear the generally unflappable Tatsuki scream. _


	5. Chapter 5

This one's kinda short, but Kyoraku will be making a guest appearance next time!

* * *

_Hitsugaya's eyebrow was twitching as he reviewed the events of the past week._

_Byakuya was in the Fourth Division._

_Kira was trying to commit suicide. Again._

_Renji was hiding in a corner, cowering pitifully and trying to escape punishment for his latest crimes. _

_Momo was detoxing from an Aizen overdose. _

_No one knew where Kyoraku was._

_Nanao was about to blow a gasket._

_The Eleventh Division was down thirty more shinigami._

_Omaeda was off whining about how little respect he got._

_Suì-Fēng was admiring her Yoruichi plushies and creeping out the rest of her division._

_A couple dozen shinigami were in therapy._

_Yumichika was babbling on about his brand-new conditioner. _

_Yachiru was wreaking mass destruction on a sugar high._

_Yamamoto was at the Twelfth Division, lecturing Mayuri about proper procedure when beginning a new project. _

_Iba was shedding manly tears over something no one else cared about. _

_All in all, a typical week in the Seireitei._

_. _

47. Large murals are banned unless specially approved by Head-Captain Yamamoto.

_Someone decided it would be amusing to plaster Mayuri's face all over the walls of the Seireitei. People got so disturbed by the giant clown face that the shinigami went on strike until the paintings were removed._

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48. Anyone who wishes to celebrate a festivity from the world of the living must submit an application to their captain (if in the First, Second, Fourth, Sixth, Seventh, Tenth, or Thirteenth Division), vice-captain (if in the Third, Fifth, Eighth, or Ninth Division), or Head-Captain Yamamoto (If in the Eleventh or Twelfth Division), complete with a detailed explanation of how to celebrate it and at least two articles from reputable sources to back up your answer.

_Apparently, Renji hadn't gotten the memo that fireworks were supposed to be done OUTSIDE._

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49. All problems cannot be solved with a whack to the offending person's head. If you choose to pursue this course of action, you will be court-martialed.

_Three guesses as to who this rule was meant for. The first two don't count._

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50. If you are told to stop asking for permission, it does not mean that you can go ahead. It means you cannot do it.

_"Cottontail rabbit-anaconda hybrids?!" Yamamoto yelled at Mayuri. "Have you gone mad?! When I said no, there was a reason! Do you know how many people are in therapy because of you?! I heard a little girl sobbing because she thought her parents lied to her about the Easter Bunny!"_

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51. Purposeful attempts to make any shinigami fangirl are forbidden under threat of watching cartoons with Vice-Captain Kusajishi.

_Gin sent Rangiku photos of Hueco Mundo and the arrancar for some unknown reason. She passed some of them on to Renji, who thought it'' be a great idea to show them to Momo . . . _

_"We have enough mentally unstable shinigami as it is!" Hitsugaya snarled when he found out, slamming his hands onto his desk. "And of all people, you had to go for Hinamori?!"_

_. _

52. No one is to ring funeral bells whenever Head-Captain Yamamoto, Captain Kyoraku, Captain Ukitake, and/or Captain Unohana arrive.

_"But they already have one foot in the grave!" Renji protested. Luckily for him, Kyoraku was too busy laughing at the look on Yamamoto's (the most recent victim) face to chase after him, Ukitake was too sick, and Unohana wouldn't go against her basic healer principles to hurt him (though she could make his next stay in the Fourth Division as painful and prolonged as possible). Unfortunately, that meant he still had to deal with Yamamoto . . . _

_Curiously enough, Renji spent the entirety of the next month at Urahara Shop. _


	6. Chapter 6

My computer informs me that I've had approximately three hundred more people read this since I last posted. And how many have reviewed? One. And that was from someone who already reviewed once before. Seriously, guys? 6 reviews for over seven hundred people? That works out to about 116 people per one review, which is just pathetic. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I think I might have to pull a Yemi Hikari and refuse to update until I get a certain amount of reviews.

* * *

_Kyoraku gazed out the window mournfully and set down his cup of sake. "Nanao-chaaaan," he whined. "I want to get in on it tooooo."_

_His vice-captain put down her pen and looked up from the stack of paperwork she was doing. "Get in on what, exactly?" she asked, pushing her glasses up her nose. Only she could make such an innocent action look menacing._

_"The list, of course! You know, the thing little Hitsugaya started up a couple of weeks ago."_

_Nanao went back to her paperwork. "The problem with that, sir, is that writing it requires something you lack: common sense."_

_"Nanao-chaaaaaaan!"_

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53. All female graduates of the Shinigami Academy must apply to the Eighth Division and include a photo of themselves with their application.

_"Just think of all the pretty women," Kyoraku said, his eyes aglow._

_"You're drooling, sir," Nanao commented. _

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54. Flowers are manly.

_"Captain, putting that on the list will only damage its integrity. It won't stop the children of the Rukongai from making fun of you."_

_"It's worth a shot, Nanao-chan."_

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55. No one may reprimand a superior officer for anything short of treason.

_". . . You know, Captain, for about three seconds there I thought you were actually writing something that made sense. Then I realized it was just another one of your attempts to make me stop scolding you while you're hungover."_

_"Dammit. So close!"_

_"If it makes you feel any better, sir, this one was a lot more sophisticated than usual."_

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56. Vice-Captain Kusajishi is no longer allowed to give nicknames to people.

_"Sir, I would commend you for such a reasonable action if I didn't know how much you personally despise being called 'Shun-shun'. Also, do you wish for her to turn her imagination to other prospects?"_

_"The results will be interesting, don't you think, Nanao-chan?"_

_". . . I should've known better."_

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57. The standard shinigami shihakushō is to be shortened by 1 meter to avoid clumsy recruits tripping over the hem.

_" . . . Sir, do you really think I'm going to fall for that?"_

_He raised his head and gave her an innocent look. "Whatever could you mean, Nanao-chan?"_

_She didn't bother to dignify that with a response._

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58. The office working week, except in times of emergency, is to be from Monday to Thursday.

_"Captain, that wouldn't get you out of doing your paperwork. That would just give you a shorter time limit to complete it all. Wording it in a semi-reasonable way will not allow it to escape my notice."_

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59. By unanimous vote of the Seireitei Improvement Committee, a unisex hot spring is to be built for the enjoyment of all shinigami.

_"Would this 'Seireitei Improvement Committee' happen to be composed of one member only?"_

_"Why yes, Nanao-chan. How did you know?"_

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60. It is forbidden for shinigami to insult the captains.

_"You cannot use the list simply to stop the rumors about your reputation from spreading, Captain. That is an abuse of authority and goes against the constitution."_

_"Women won't even come within twenty feet of me anymore! It's a tragedy, Nanao-chan, a tragedy!"_

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61. Baldness is not manly.

_"If this is another attempt to stop Third-Seat Madarame from trying to shave your head, I believe it is useless. It is widely thought that he is in fact illiterate."_

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62. It is appropriate to laugh at all and any times.

_"Captain, this is unacceptable."_

_"What do you mean, Nanao-chan? I'm simply encouraging everyone to enjoy life and let loose a bit. After all, as shinigami, we could die any second. We should laugh whenever we can."_

_"Not at a funeral, sir."_

.

_Hitsugaya stared at the list in shock before crumpling it up in his fist and dropping it into the trash can._

_"Shall we pretend this never happened?" he suggested to Yamamoto, who had already collected and was incinerating the other copies._

_"Most definitely," Yamamoto agreed. _


	7. Chapter 7

Exams suck. So does writer's block. Those are my excuses.

Be happy. Today is a special occasion that will never occur again in my lifetime, but I'm still updating.

* * *

_After the fiasco with Kyoraku, Hitsugaya, Byakuya, and Yamamoto became the only ones allowed to update the list. (Komamura was banned because he might write a list of animal-related rules that no one cared about). With Byakuya busy reprimanding Renji, and Yamamoto meditating to bring down his heart rate, poor Hitsugaya was on list duty again. _

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53. No one is to suddenly rush to the window and shout, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

_Unfortunately for Renji, most people in the Seireitei hadn't heard of Chicken Little and mass panicking ensued. His captain was not amused. _

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54. No one is to send Vice-Captain Kira to deal with enemies by "emo-ing them into submission".

_After hearing that the Third and Eleventh Divisions were being assigned to take out a massive amount of Hollows, Ikkaku armed Yachiru with some pictures of Gin and sent her over to the Third Division. By the time he finally got Yumichika out of bed ("I need my beauty sleep!" the fashion-obsessed shinigami whined) and Kenpachi made it to the battlefield (even without Yachiru to "steer" him, his directional sense was awful), Kira had wiped them all out by sitting in the middle of the field and wailing all his troubles out to the world._

_"Captain, should we try recruiting him to our division?" asked a member of the Eleventh. "I mean, we are rather low on members."_

_"Nah, he's too much of a sissy," Kenpachi said dismissively._

_"Huh. And here I was just trying to get Yachiru out of the way so that the captain could make it here within a reasonable amount of time," Ikkaku muttered. "Who knew something like this would happen?"_

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55. No one is to lie in the middle of the road and let themselves be hit by cars to show how manly they are through their ability to endure pain.

_"Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince police officers that it was all a harmless stunt and no, you shouldn't be imprisoned for it?" Hitsugaya shouted, one eyebrow twitching dangerously. "Especially since my gigai looks so young! I had to fake cry in order to get you two off the hook!" _

_Ikkaku and Yumichika couldn't hear him. They were still defrosting from that big block of ice they'd been frozen into._

_"And you, Ayasegawa!" Hitsugaya said angrily. "Do you know how many people fainted when you kept getting up and lying down just to make sure you'd only get hit by 'beautiful' cars in places that would make a 'beautiful' pattern of broken bones and bruises?!"_

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56. No one is to denounce the ancestry of other shinigami for any reason.

Correlation to Rule 56: The faults of all people are not traceable to their ancestors.

_Ikkaku got annoyed when Hanataro tripped over him and began using a habit he'd picked up in the world of the living . . . Yo Mama jokes._

_Then Yumichika started going around and commenting that every perceived flaw of a shinigami must've been a result of their poor lineage while claiming that of course, his ancestors had passed the very opposite gene to him. More than a few shinigami had attempted to kill him by the end of the week. _

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57. "Because it's there" is not a proper justification for anything.

_No one was amused (except maybe Yachiru) when Renji staggered drunkenly towards Central 46 and declared he was going to take over the Seireitei, "Because it's there!"_

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58. No one is to tamper with Fifth-Seat Ayasegawa's beauty supplies and then wager money on his reaction. Any profits from this illicit gambling are to go to him so that he may replace said beauty supplies.

Correction to Rule 58: No one is to go within seeing distance of Fifth-Seat Ayasegawa's beauty supplies except for the shinigami in question and nothing is to be wagered on his reaction in the event that something does happen involving the disruption of his daily beauty regimen in any way or form.

_Renji started up a betting pool to predict Yumichika's response to his hair being turned the same color as Yachiru's, getting singed off, having his feathers stolen, switching his lotions around, etc., etc. Then Renji actually carried out those actions, and by the virtue of his long acquaintance with his former division mate, he made a killing. Loads of the shinigami from Rule 56 joined in._

_When tampering was banned, they simply started stealing his stuff. Technically, as long as they didn't mess around with the contents, it wasn't tampering. And when monetary betting was banned? Then they started wagering paperwork._

_The gods hadn't started getting in Yumichika's way (yet. He claimed it was only a matter of time until one of them was so jealous of his beauty that they had to sabotage him), but Hitsugaya was not taking any chances. _

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59. Contrary to popular belief, Head-Captain Yamamoto grew out his beard for his own personal satisfaction. No one is to imply and/or say anything to the contrary.

_"Seriously, he's got to be planning to chop it off and make it into a wig," Renji concluded after a twenty minute rant. "Why else would anyone have such a long beard? It must get into his food all the time."_

_"If you say so, Renji," said the random shinigami he was lecturing._

_The vice-captain of the Sixth Division beamed. "I knew you would come to see reason!"_

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60. No one is to attempt to teach Captain Komamura tricks. He's a wolf anyways and not a dog, so no, that dog whistle won't work on him. I don't care if he can still hear the frequency, that doesn't mean he's going to respond!

_Yachiru. Just Yachiru. _


End file.
